His colleagues on the contrary went silent because they thought they had to make a choice between two bad alternatives: Kevin became influential because he is among the people who avoid the fool’s choice. Somehow he managed to achieve absolute candor, but he did so in a way that showed deep respect for his boss. He would play no games or tricks he would even less try to force his arguments on others. Kevin’s colleagues for example would resort to silence. While most people don’t dare directly confronting their bosses, Kevin doesn’t but he does it in a particular way. His influence stems from his ability to approach crucial conversations. The authors talk about Kevin who was the only one of the eight vice presidents in his company to be identified as exceedingly influential. Never split the difference summary Chapter 2 – Mastering crucial conversations: the power of dialogue On perfecting your communication and negotiation skills, people also read:
Their bosses, peers, and direct reports listen without becoming defensive or angry. In summary, people who routinely hold crucial conversations and hold them well are able to express controversial and even risky opinions in a way that gets heard. Twenty years of research involving more than 100,000 people reveals that the key skill of effective leaders, teammates, parents, and loved ones is the capacity to skillfully address emotionally and politically risky issues. – Talking to a colleague about personal hygiene problems The law of crucial conversationsĪt the heart of almost all chronic problems in our organizations, our teams, and our relationships lie crucial conversations-ones that we’re either not holding or not holding well. – Asking in-laws to stop interfering in family life – Give a negative assessment of performance – Talk to a colleague who keeps the information or resources to himself or herself – Confronting a friend about a substance abuse problem – Talking to a team member who is not living up to his or her commitments – Resolve support or visitation issues with a former spouse – Approaching a boss who does not respect his own safety or quality rules – Gives feedback to the boss about his behavior – Talking to a colleague who behaves in an offensive manner and makes inappropriate comments The choice is ours, we can face them and handle them poorly or we can face them and handle them well. Most of the time, we simply avoid crucial conversations. Countless generations of genetic shaping drive humans to handle crucial conversations with flying fists and fleet feet, not intelligent persuasion and gentle attentiveness. That’s because emotions don’t exactly prepare us to converse effectively. When conversations turn from routine to crucial, we’re often in trouble. We use all kinds of tactics to dodge touchy issues.
We’ve become masters at avoiding tough conversations. They’re the day-to-day conversations that affect your life.ĭespite the importance of crucial conversations, we often back away from them because we fear we’ll make matters worse. The crucial conversations the authors are referring to are interactions that happen to everyone. GEORGE BERNARD SHAWĬrucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High is an amazing book by Al Switzler, Joseph Grenny, and Ron McMillanĬrucial Conversation by definition is a discussion between two or more people where (1) stakes are high, (2) opinions vary, and (3) emotions run strong. The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. Chapter 1: What’s a crucial conversation? And who cares?
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